Should I treat it as a joke? I’m seriously lost.
Over the past 3 days, I went for a camp and became an instructor. During the camp, although I’m the instructor of the kids, I learn a lot of stuffs from them too. The kids that we took are from Northlight school located somewhere near Good man road. It’s not a normal neighborhood school that you dealing with, they are kids who failed their PSLE, most of them came from broken/ poor families, slightly intellectually low and they are the bottom 5% of the whole of Singapore.

At first I thought it should be quite easy, the only thing is to get them to listen to you and do the things that you want them to do. But I’m totally wrong, the attention spent for these kids are very low. For example when you ask them to focus and look at you, the very next second they will be distracted by something else. I guess that’s their biggest problem that’s hindering them. Other than that they do not have any major problems.

It was tough at first to get hold of their attention and to get hold of them to listen to your instructions. But after a few hours and some activities, they began to open up and for the next moment they will be at your finger tips.

I discover that some of them have got some hidden talent within them which they themselves do not know. Even though they are not gifted academically but they are still as talented in other aspects. I’ve got this boy in my group that love to dance, and he is really good at it to the extent that their discipline master too agreed. Even without proper training he’s doing it so well, imagine if he have got this chance to further develop this talent, I’m sure he will defiantly excel in this area. Sadly, he can’t choose to do what he is good in but only to be gauge and despise by the society according to how well he perform academically. There’s another incident that surprise me too, during the second night, we were told to do a debrief with our kids and them to write something in the booklet that they were given to them. They are supposed to write anything they have to say about their school and basically what’s their opinion about their school. As usual, most of them you will expect some standard answer like I love my school because it’s fun, I’m proud of northlight and things like that. But there something that this boy (a very quiet boy who don’t usually speaks) wrote caught my attention and frankly I was pretty touched, don’t ask me why I don’t know. He wrote ‘’ I’m proud of northlight (first sentence) I want northlight to be proud of me.’’ Aw… I find that he is very sensible and truthful for a kid like him within that aptitude to write something like this.

During the camp, we have to motivate them and at the same time instill some values in them. Wow, instill values in them. Yes instill values. I feel very puzzled and confuse although I manage to change them successfully. After the camp, I kept asking myself I actually manage to instill some values in them but, I myself don’t even have some of the values. I don’t practice what I preach, isn’t ito funny? I’ve no idea, seriously no idea.
Anyway other than that, I really learnt quite a lot of stuffs during the camp. I hope I’ll have time to do more camp in future.

Happy ‘’Halloween’’ smelly….

I shall update when I'm back from camp, meanwhile I will not post the original entry for today, just for today this special day that I'll never forget at least for a decade. Thank you...

I wonder if you feel the same way too ......

As expected? I guess so, I’m not certain how long will it last too…
The feeling is just as if your experiencing a stage fright, your throat tightens, you’re knees turn weak and arms became heavy and your heart feels as if there’s something pounding on it. Once again, the overwhelming emotions just conquer me leaving me with no doors to escape. Having said that, my heart still yearns for …..

I miss it, I miss it all, everything, every single thing that I will never get back anymore.
It can be quite funny sometimes how we perceive something at a certain period of our life.
I definitely miss it badly…
I can give up everything, literally everything just to repeat it all over again.
But I guess that won’t be enough…..
‘’ Halloween’’ is approaching… Time flies….




Happy birthday ‘’friend’’! I guess only a few will know this…. Ha..

When you leave I lost a part of me, is that so hard to believe?

Have a sudden urge to blog again. I went over to this very beautiful and peaceful place over the last weekend and I really find peace there, it’s like a total cut off from the hectic life that I have. I wish I could stay there for a certain period of time just to do some soul searching. I’ve thoughts to discontinue this blog but the stubborn me just feel that I should continue… Thinking of how I even start this habit of blogging and how this blog is actually created......

I thought that I am stronger until ….. A sudden splurge of emotions overwhelms my whole body, I felt weak and breathless, and the sensation spreads till the tip of my fingers. I try to finish the plate of rice that I bought, but every spoon of rice that I tired to sallow is just to fight against the emotions that are gushing out from my mouth. I felt so lost and I struggle to fight against the urge and anxiety within me. I’ve got this urge to call out your name, to approach you just like how I’ve use to. But my senses hold me back and it reminds me that everything is different now. My heart shrunk and I can feel the short sharp pain like as if something is piercing through it. I yearn to see her but at the same time I wish I’ll not. I miss you..

(The Script- The Man Who Can't Be Moved)

Lost without your love..

All I know is to follow my heart but I still end up being caught and entangled within the same time frame.
I do not understand why it is so strange that my heart can’t stop yearning for you.
It has been a torture to fight against the reoccurring memories that never seems to stop flowing in my mind.
It is a vicious cycle that I’ve to go through each day, to put on a mask and pretend that everything is just fine. It’s tiring, very tiring…..

In a blink of an eye, the month of September is over. To sum up, it wasn’t great at all.
It’s so easy for us to gain something at the same time to lose something. Sadly I’ve lost a part of me.

Escaping from reality...

I should have stopped this long ago but I think that it’s not up for me to choose.
Are you there? Will you be reading this?
Could these all just be a bad dream, just a nightmare?
Ha ha ha, I must be kidding.
NO, I’m not!
Just so you know………………